Are you angry, 14, and Goth? Then don't attempt to wear the new black lipstick by YSL and Lancôme, or you'll look like you're ready for a gathering of the Marilyn Manson Fan Club.Celeb vamp victims: Hayden Panettiere, Eva Green, Charlotte Casiraghi and Chloe Sevigny.

Purple lids may have a punch, but will give you a scary, bruised look. Contrary to what you've caught on the catwalks from Behnaz Sarafpour and Thakoon, grape soda eyes are not flattering on the masses! Skin tone, age and attitude should be taken into account if you're going to attempt to rock this look.

This is a shoutout to perennial tanorexic Tara Reid. The sun-kissed trend is tired, and looks especially bad against blinding BriteSmile teeth. Wake up and get out of the tanning bed and embrace your natural skin tone. But if you must... rumor has it that Listerine and nail polish remover work well to eliminate self-tanner streaks.

Vibrating Mascara

Attention Estée Lauder and Lancôme: We are not too weak to move our wrists the few millimeters it takes to coat our lashes! The latest trick that cosmetics companies have up their ruffled sleeves is a battery-powered, vibrating mascara wand. Find happiness with another battery-operated wand -- this one's a dud.

When did the tweezers disappear from the makeup case? Scary, bold, drawn-in brows must be stopped! Especially when the thick brows are combed upward and every which way -- as seen in Philip Lim's Fall 2008 collection. Pluck that! Do you really want two centipedes slithering across your forehead? Will the Borat monobrow be next?